Car Jokes...................... - Page 4 - Ford Mustang Forum
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A Korean man goes to the eye doctor.

Eye doctor: Well, it looks like you have a cataract.
Korean man: No doc, I drive a rincoln.
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post #47 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-10-2012 Thread Starter
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With Euro going down, Ford to acquire Renault

Ford has announced plans to acquire French automaker Renault and engineering teams have already joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bi**ch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it as needed.

Ride On,
Noel

"I'll fix it or break it, Guaranteed!"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sick467 View Post
With Euro going down, Ford to acquire Renault

Ford has announced plans to acquire French automaker Renault and engineering teams have already joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bi**ch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it as needed.
I LOLed and LOLed
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Why men shouldn't write advice columns...
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.................................
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Shelby Bills, Shelby Grilles, Check Out The Oil My Shelby Spills.
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post #51 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-18-2012 Thread Starter
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Here's one for those who tend to just look at the pictures. Don't explode this at work...
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Ride On,
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post #52 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012 Thread Starter
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This one's got pictures and words...
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Ride On,
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i'm not gay.......but my miata is........

some assembly required
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Two people, driver and passenger in a car; and the driver ran a RED light.

Passenger: Hey, you just ran a RED light.
Driver: So? are you scared?
Passenger: You can get us killed or seriously injured by a car with the GREEN light coming from the other side.
Driver: Don't worry, my brother drives like that and nothing has ever happened to him.
Passenger: Hey, you just ran another RED light.
Driver: I told you not to worry; my brother drives like that.

The driver kept on running red lights about four more times. Now he got to a GREEN light and STOPPED.

Passenger: Why are you stopping? You have the GREEN light!

Driver: My brother may be coming from the other side and I don't want him to kill us.

1966 Mustang I6
1984 Mustang GT 5.0
2005 Mustang V6
2011 Boss 302....only when i close my eyes
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense.
Deputy says, “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What for?”
Deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign”
Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Deputy says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Deputy says, “The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”
Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.”
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving snot out of the lawyer and says “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

1966 Mustang I6
1984 Mustang GT 5.0
2005 Mustang V6
2011 Boss 302....only when i close my eyes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ranger1475 View Post
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense.
Deputy says, “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What for?”
Deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign”
Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Deputy says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Deputy says, “The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”
Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.”
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving snot out of the lawyer and says “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
Nice!! Lol. Serves him right. 😄
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post #57 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-10-2012 Thread Starter
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A man is stopped by the police at 2 in the morning and is asked where he is going at such an early hour.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the adverse effects it has on the human body, as well as the effect of smoking, staying out late and the risks associated with driving under the inifluence."

The officer then asks "Really... and who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Ride On,
Noel

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Noticed any good car jokes recently? I am not talking something you'd hear in a club that involves rear-entry or putting things up the tail pipe. I'm talking great, family-oriented vehicle humor. Here are some of the best car jokes around, because you've been working too difficult and need a great laugh. These jokes about automobiles are of two kinds, some with set-up time and others that are basically one-liners. Enjoy!

Quote:
A Jaguar driver passes a Mini Cooper broken down on the roadside. Being a considerate denizen of the roadways, Jag man stops to help, affixing a tow-rope to the Mini so that he can haul it to the nearest mechanic.

After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche buzzes by them at a considerable rate of speed. Prideful and not to be outdone, Jag man floors it, forgetting that he’s towing a small car. The Porsche and Jaguar race down the road, and all the while, the Mini driver is trying in vain to get the attention of the Jaguar driver.

Mini fails to get Jag man’s attention, but the high-speed escapade does attract the attention of the police. The officer radios headquarters to report his startling discovery:

“Sarge, you’ll never believe this, I’ve just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph – and a dude in a Mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!”
Check this link for more of the best car jokes in captivity: The best car jokes that are SFW (Pt. 1)
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That's it, that's the joke...

1965 Ford Mustang
2011 Mustang Kona Blue Premium V6 Pony Package
1967 Chevrolet C-10
1967 Pontiac Firebird
2000 Chevrolet Z71
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so this wallstreet type fella who was very materialistic placed a special order for an exotic m series bmw. he bragged to everyone he met about how expensive the car was and how long he had to wait to have it built and shipped over. he hadnt had the car a month and drove like a maniac all the time in it. well he lost control of the powerful sports car and demolished it against an oak tree. he is slumped over in the seat wailing away "my bmw, my bmw, my bmw" the good samaritan who had seen the wreck and stopped to help tryed to calm the man down. he said sir, its just a car, dont worry about it. ive got to stop your bleeding or your going to die, your left arm was severed during the crash... . the driver looks down at his missing left arm and begins to wail anew...........................my rolex, my rolex

some assembly required
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