 Camping tips........ joke
* When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
* A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
* The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
* While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
* Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
* Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
* You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
* You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
* The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
* When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
* Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
* A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
* A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
* In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
* The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
* The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
* It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home (or a Gold Wing pulling a trailer).
* Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
* In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.
__________________ It warmed up  | 
