1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
Car Oil Change instructions for a oilfield worker (works same with gearheads)
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store
and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a
check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot
oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a
screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil
filter splashing oil. Cleverly hide old oil filter
among trash in trash container. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow, so you can
go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the
oil change". Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it
back to O'Reilly to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step
18) Reach for a beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a
thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step #11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole
in the back yard, ... along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain. Re-shovel
oily dirt. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
patch of dirt in yard. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on garage
floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with oily rag. Slip with stupid crescent wrench,
while tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step #31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw 'stupid' crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes, because wrench
hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor
oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
fresh oil spilled during steps #23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2,500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1,500.00
Beer $40.00
Total-- $4,165.00
I'd change my own oil, but it's a PITA doing it on the side of a busy, narrow street.
But, back to the topic... that was a good laugh.
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True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
When I recieved it as an email it was "the difference between a man's oil change and a woman's oil change" obviously the male was the DIY and the woman was the Jiffy Lube....I thought it was much funnier put that way but then again I am biased.
It was still funny and I'm glad it's still being passed around
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No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced
funny and true, everyone did something like that, thats y we laugh lol you know some of you did something similar lmao
Jim
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Pulled up to the light the other day and a 3 year old on his big wheel looked over at me and then at the light. I knew that it was on. The big wheel was hooked up, rims, sickers,ground FX, the works. Just before the light turned green the little ******* pointed to the NOS sicker on his machine and left a plasic patch that lasted about 100ft. I didn't stand a chance, I was smoked. He rasied his fist in victory and when home for milk and cookies, I just went to the track. :rolleyes:
It's amazing how much time you save if you remember what size filter wrench and drain plug you have ain't it. I can change my oil in less time than Jiffy Lube and not get a drop of oil on me.
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Sometimes I think that government fits that old-fashioned definition of a baby: An alimentary canal with an appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
- Ronald Reagan
They forgot the part where you go to the bathroom and spend 10 minutes flushing your eyes from the oil that got in them when the wind shifted and blew it in your face!
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1976 Ford Mustang II Ghia: 302 with a 600cfm Edelbrock carb, Edelbrock Performer 289 intake, Dynomax Blackjack headers, 2.5" exhaust with Flowmaster Super 44s. RJS 11-gallon fuel cell, C4 tranny, chrome 16" pony wheels, fuzzy dice, brown vinyl half-top, and painted in the tackiest color ever (harvest gold, that's why I call it "The Goldenrod").
Also have a 2003 Dodge Ram (lightly modded daily driver/tow rig/office/dining room/home away from home/workshop... I call it "The Big Blue Dawg".)
Black,79 Mustang mostly carbon fiber/kevlar body, M-2300-k brake kit, full roll cage, maximum motorsport suspension, custom geared 6 speed, 2 inch rear fender flares, 1 inch front, motor being built (no eta). Looks like the Mad Max interseptor and weighs about 1800lbs w/o motor (450hp 351w installed to move the car around)
Black, 82 Capri RS 5.0L, B303, 1.7 rockers, World 180 heads, +150hp N.O.S, Turbo coupe rear end, T-56(tremec tko would be beter), 80 cobra nose
Very Good. I don't trust Jiffy, and they charge too much.
I can do my own oil change in a few minutes, besides, when I change my oil, I have to clean my K&N also - Jiffy won't do that.
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2001 Mineral Gray Cobra Convertable
#681 of 3384 born on 4/12/01 - 1 of 382 Mineral Gray Vert's
Magnaflow X-pipe/cat back, Eibach, Bilsteins, Fittipaldi's, Michelin Pilot Sports, Jet performance chip, Pro 5.0 shifter, K & N Filtercharger, Saleen Light Bar
www.socalhorsepower.com
DIY oil change or JiffyLube? 
